Life After Divorce | The New Me Mom

“Prayer is not asking. Prayer is putting oneself in the hands of God, at His disposition, and listening to His voice in the depth of our hearts.” Mother Teresa

I wouldn’t say I’m someone that is good at praying. I feel like if someone called on me to say a prayer in front of 5 or 500 people, it would all be terrifying! But even the thought of being alone, in my thoughts with God, praying my heart out, I also struggle with. I have a mountain of prayer journals from over the years that are filled with my heart and soul, my pain and passion, and trials and despair. Those words no one will ever see but God does. Last week at our church we had a week of Revival. It was truly amazing! I can’t remember the last time I prayed so much. The first night our speaker asked us to write the name of someone we know that doesn’t have a relationship with Jesus. She says, “if it’s your ex-husband’s name, write it down.” Wow! I was a puddle of tears. I didn’t have any paper, so I wrote it on a tissue. My ex-husband, who I can honestly say doesn’t share the love of Jesus Christ as I do, has an armor of spiritual warfare around him. An armor so resistant and unbreakable to anything around him, especially Christians. A very cynical, stubborn, and self-seeking man. I have had words for him in the past but honestly have overcome quite a bit even in the last few months. I prayed for him for over 10 years while we were dating and married. I prayed that he be the one that I were going to grow old with, and now with us divorced and with two children, I pray for him to be a better father. I had a hard time with forgiveness in the beginning, but my dad told me, “Maybe you aren’t getting what you are praying for because you haven’t forgiven him yet.” So much to be said from just that one statement. Beyond the resentment of what my ex-husband put me through came forgiveness and from forgiveness I have found the ability to continue to pray for him. I pray for him as a man, a father, and that he come to have a relationship with Jesus Christ. Each week at church, on our program, there is a space for prayer requests. And on Mondays the church staff prays over all the prayer requests. My requests are always anonymous of course and in the back of my mind I’m sure they all know it’s me. Each week I am constantly praying for my ex-husband, my kids, and for God to show me my purpose in life.

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Isn’t amazing what prayer can do?! That first night of Revival, I prayed to God that he would show up and show me what needs to be done right now. That message truly was for me that night. So, as I walked to the altar to drop the name I have on my tissue, I’m overcome with this relief that God has a plan. He always did. And maybe it isn’t my cross to bear but at least it has been put in motion on the most powerful week of Revival. My prayers have changed so much over the years. From “I wants” to “what can I do?” I have so many stories of God working in me and my life that I always say, “I couldn’t even make it up the way He works in my life.” It might not be the prettiest story to tell but it really has been a life changing one.

“You’ve got to trust that God knows why He has you on this path and ask the Holy Spirit to empower you to run it with endurance.” -unknown

https://amzn.to/4eaxYe8 (link for Prayer Journal)