Life After Divorce | The New Me Mom

This chapter of life I would call the unknown. The unknown of what I’m going to do in the next five years let alone the next five hours. The unknown of how I’m going to pay bills on such a low salary. The unknown on how I’m going to live in such a wealthy town with no help, with no family, with no spouse, and with no real plan.

My mom is having a birthday in a couple days, and when I asked how she was feeling she said she’s been more scared about this one because it’s a big birthday. I asked, “why are you scared?” She says, “I just worry about you.” First of all, that made my heart sink that I put so much worry and stress on my mom and that this is why she’s worried about getting older. And second, I don’t even worry about myself so why should anyone else. My attitude is always, “I’m fine, I can do it all.” I know I’m not the only mom that thinks this way though…or single mom. We are no longer the 1950’s wife. We are way stronger than most people give us credit for.

Of course, this chapter was a truly scary one stepping into in 2022. I had no idea what God would have in store for my future, and I really still don’t but I’m getting a better idea every day. When I was married, I could honestly say I prayed every day for God to come into my marriage and change my husband’s heart. I prayed even more that the devil wouldn’t take my marriage because I didn’t believe in divorce. I grew up in a church believing if you divorce you go to hell. So, divorce was devastating to me as a Christian. One night, in 2021, I had a very vivid dream. I can’t explain it only to say it was God speaking to me because I wasn’t listening to him in my everyday life. Just weeks before I had begged and cried out to God asking for one more sign, one more reason to not stay in my unhappy marriage. In this dream, there was a two-story black house I had never seen and a place I had never been to. It was in the middle of nowhere but looked so peaceful and inviting. With pews surrounding this home, I and no one else there, there were more than enough places to sit. I still chose to stand. A voice called out, “I’ve given you this many chances, take a seat, it’s time to go.” I woke up crying but feeling like that was all I needed to hear to make the decision to go.

I think I learned going through my divorce that worry isn’t the answer. Worry is from the devil and the devil wants you to be worried, stressed, doubting, and fearful, etc. He wants you to focus on all the bad that you don’t have a chance to think about the present and the good that God has provided you with. The devil wants you to fail. In marriages we all have failures and flaws. None of us our perfect. Even the narcissists that think they are flawless, well, they’re not and they still fail. But the devil can easily form a wedge through any relationship. None of us are untouchable. But from that dream I realized, this was God’s plan, not the devils. God kept showing me ways to get out, but I was believing what the devil was saying, and that I was going to “fail” if I left my marriage. Well God showed me his plan. His plan was to take me places my ex-husband wasn’t able to go. The things I wanted to do in life and had been put on my heart, per God’s plan, my ex-husband had been holding me back. With God shaming or different ways of spiritual warfare, I never could fully be who God intended me to be while I was still married to him. I had a hard time thinking if it was selfish for me to leave and leave knowing my kids couldn’t fully come with me and have a life that I hoped for with them. In the midst of it all, no I couldn’t see it. I chose me. I chose me for them. It’s way better they see this mom instead of the unhappy and broken mom that used to be. And they see it.

“Faith ends where worry begins, and worry ends where faith begins.”

So, worry? I don’t have time to worry. Worry can just go ahead and sit in the back seat. I don’t have time for that anymore. I’m much happier on this side. The side of being a faithful servant of God.

A smile looks way better on me anyhow.

“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34