Life After Divorce | The New Me Mom

I’m sure you already know now that I have a son with Autism. Yes the “A” word that pediatricians don’t want to use. My son will be 4-years old in March and is Autistic and non-verbal. Diagnosed at 21 months.

Non-verbal: unable to speak verbally or very limited.

He’s very smart. How do I know you might ask, if he can’t speak? He has a speaking device he uses and its called “TD Snap”. Well the device would be the “Tobidynavox” but he uses an app on his iPad that was created from this device for kids that can’t speak. He knows all his colors, shapes, numbers, animals, emotional prompts, likes and dislikes, etc. However, he acts out behaviorally because he can’t speak verbally. Like most kids his age would have a tantrum, my son has meltdowns.

Autistic Meltdowns: a term that has been used to describe an intense and uncontrollable response to an overwhelming situation in some people on the autism spectrum.

And because he can’t speak he uses his body to communicate. Today is Saturday and like most Saturdays he doesn’t have a schedule because its the weekend. During the week my son attends an Early Childhood Program at a local elementary school in the morning and goes to therapy in the afternoons. But on the weekends, almost as soon as the clock hits 8am, he starts a roller coaster of emotions that I know will only get worse as the day progresses. It’s terrifying and sad because as his mother I know I can’t do anything to help once these “meltdowns” start. The tiniest thing could trigger him too and send him from 0-100 in seconds. Because they get so bad I fear he will have a seizure, heart attack, or aneurysm at any moment. He gets a nose bleed every time this happens too. He’s only 3 and most times I can’t even hold him because he’s so strong and if he’s this strong now I can only imagine how strong he’ll be the older he gets. Kids on the spectrum have a heart rate that just can’t lower on its own or takes much longer. Not like you and me, my son’s rapid rhythm heart rate is “up” all day long. He even takes an anti-anxiety medication to calm him down long enough to fall asleep.

Rapid Rhythm: Children with autism tend to have an elevated resting heart rate.

So what comes with these meltdowns? First off, they can come on anywhere. Just a couple weeks ago he had one in the back of Target. It took me almost an hour to get him off the floor and get him out of the store. Once the meltdown mentality sets in for him we need to find a quiet, calm, dark room as soon as possible. Probably a reason we don’t go many places. Its hard to find all three of these things out in public. But what set him off that day was his sister picking him up. When she put him down he accidentally hit his head which started this whole roller coaster. But today I easily could have looked at him wrong and that’s what set him off. I honestly have no clue because they come on so fast.

I’m divorced, for just over a year now and being a single mom is tough with a child with special needs. But God sure makes us resilient. I mean, I don’t know how I have the energy to do this most days but I wake up and do it cause I’m the only one who is going to for him. I might cry in the quiet but that’s when I also regain my strength to do what God set out for me to do which was be the best I can be for my son. Not only is it hard enough with my neurodiverse son but trying to find the balance with my 9-year old neurotypical daughter as well.

Neurodiverse: displaying or characterized by autistic or other neurologically atypical patterns of thought or behavior; not neurotypical.

Neurotypical: not displaying or characterized by autistic or other neurologically atypical patterns of thought or behavior.

My 9-year old. She’s the best sister in the entire world. She loves him and advocates for him like God has been teaching her to all along. She has the biggest heart for him and only a sibling of Autism could truly understand what it’s like. She’s the best example of what God intended for all of us to be and it blows my mind how she does it this young. I can’t even imagine at that age taking on such a big responsibility as a sibling.

So, today as my son was coming down from his meltdown he came out of his room tears streaming down. I put my arms out and he came close and all I could tell was his little heart just needed a hug. This isn’t always the case but today I could see how exhausted he was. Exhausted from fighting what he couldn’t tell me he needed, exhausted from fighting against me, exhausted from fighting what only he could feel on the inside. Imagine how much weight that is for a 3-year old…

Autism is such a complex diagnosis. If you don’t know anything about it I urge you to educate yourself. 1 in 36 kids now have Autism. Its becoming more and more prevalent.

I love the song “The sun is rising” by Brit Nicole. “Whatever you’re facing if your heart is breaking there’s a promise for the ones that just hold on. Lift up your eyes and see, the sun is rising.”

There is hope. God is the hope for the future. And even though things are tough now, they won’t always be. I pray for a miracle for my son. But if nothing happens on my time on this earth, I pray eventually there be a miracle for other mom’s facing the same struggles I face.

Therefore, for the believer, all trials and tribulations must have a divine purpose. As in all things, God’s ultimate purpose for us is to grow more and more into the image of His Son. Romans 8:9.