Life After Divorce | The New Me Mom

How are we in the third week of December already? I feel very unaccomplished at this point. I’m procrastinating getting the last of my Christmas shopping done. I’m procrastinating getting my last paper for school finished. And all I can do is count down the days till I see my kids again. This is my first year without them for Christmas. It felt like a dagger in my heart letting them go on Sunday. I know I say it so much but it never gets easier with this schedule. You would think since I’ve been doing it over a year now it wouldn’t be so hard. But in the midst of the divorce, and my own stress, I didn’t think about what this part was going to look like. I just knew I couldn’t wait for that part to be over. I didn’t know this part was going to be so gut wrenching.

But here we are. The end of 2023. This year taught me so much. So much about who I am and who I knew I always was but couldn’t be for a long time. I have spoken up so much for myself and taken a stand on my beliefs, another thing I couldn’t share for a long time. The year of 2023 has made me so much stronger. I couldn’t have done it alone though. God is always pulling me through. I might cry and feel sad because I miss my kids but I put my big girl panties back on and be the best mom I can for when they do come home. I want them to have the best time when they come home so I try not to have too many rules and try not to be so serious. We have dance parties after dinner, we have blindfolded food challenges, movie nights and sleepovers in moms bed on school nights, etc. They won’t be this young forever and won’t always want to hang out with me so I’m going to take advantage of it while I still can.

This year I’ve seen friends of mine, that have gone through divorce the same time as I did, already getting remarried and having more kids. I don’t necessarily see that in my near future. I’m 40 years old now so “more kids” idea is probably not happening, and as far as meeting someone…where do you meet anyone these days when online seems like the only option? I don’t want that to be my option. Why can’t that part be easy? And in all actuality I would say that would be the hardest part about starting over. I’m absolutely not settling for just anything. If it doesn’t feel right, I’m not about to waste my time. I’m too old for that and have not only myself to think of but my kids too.

I’m really not sure what 2024 has for me but my heart and mind is open for how God chooses to use me. I’m always praying to find a bigger purpose for my life. Not sure what that could be but I’m going to keep praying for it until God shows me. I’m ready to see not only the stronger me next year but the happier me as well. December, and being so close to Christmas, is always a reminder of “Hope.” I have so much to hope for in the future. And this story God has written for me, this crazy story, its still being written. And I love that! I have hope in Jesus, knowing he isn’t done with me yet. This isn’t where it ends. Its a second chance. Its a new beginning. ♥️

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13)