Life After Divorce | The New Me Mom

Last night I woke up multiple times with the loudest thunderstorm outside my window. I was tossing and turning for what felt like hours. Both of my kids woke up to it. One came in and slept with me in my bed while the other woke up and I had to go in to lay with him. I woke up with the most horrible kink in my neck and back. Hello 40. My first sign that today was not going to be the best day.

My daughter was in the biggest hurry to get ready for school this morning and ran out with not even a “happy birthday mom.” Already just another day. I mean as adults we don’t expect too much from birthdays right? Or maybe we shouldn’t. Maybe, I just thought 40 was going to be different. As much as I don’t want to talk about my ex on my birthday lets just use him as an example. When he turned 40 years old, it was almost like a mid life crisis party! He had this crazy party all weekend long where he had all his friends fly in to celebrate him. I was 31 years old and was 39 weeks pregnant with our daughter at the time. Maybe I thought that’s what I should be doing? Having a huge party for myself? But with who? What friends? I have a handful of friends that I guarantee could not make it all for one weekend to celebrate me right now. We all have “life” happening. One friend in nursing school in Las Vegas, one is a big business woman in Chicago, one…well you get the picture, we all have life happening. It just doesn’t seem realistic to be celebrated.

So moving on to what I’ll be doing in my 40s. “Single and Parenting”. That’s the class I’ll be starting next week at church. Another thing I didn’t see coming at 40.

Single.

Sure a lot of changes have happened in the last year. I’d much rather be here alone than at my 39th birthday again where all my ex husband got me was a package of waxy, chocolate, Hostess donuts. Yup that’s what I got. So maybe 40 doesn’t look so bad after all.

Today my social media cup was filled by all the people I haven’t talked to in 10 years to wish me happy birthday. LOL just kidding. But in reality my family went above and beyond as usual, to make sure my birthday didn’t go unnoticed. My parents called me first thing in the morning to sing me “happy birthday”. One sister also called and sang to me as my niece also did. My dad’s sister always calls and sings to me as well. The love was there for sure. I could feel it. I mean my other sister even sent me a confetti exploding box!

Something still missing though…

I put my son to bed, took the trash out, got my daughter ready for bed, and cleaned up my little house…. I called my mom for the 4th time of the day. This is a usual occurrence, not just because it’s my birthday. The tears start coming. Not the day I imagined. My son was a roller coaster of emotions and didn’t give me a break cause he thought I needed one. This was just another day for him as well so why should I have any other expectations? I never do in any other given day.

But as the tears are running down my mom says “I know this is not what you wanted at 40 but you’re still finding your way”. No, single at 40 isn’t what I envisioned and finding my way is a loaded statement at this point in my life for sure. But she’s right. It’s time to figure out who I want to be next. I’m not who I was when I was 30 years old anymore. The decade has come and gone. Great memories were made with my children and not so great ones were made but I’m learning from them. 40 was a hard pill to swallow for me. I kept thinking I’d be the one to tell people I’m 39 years forever. But now I see 40 is a proud year for me. I’ve been through so much and have accomplished so much to get here. Time will only heal what hurt me in the past. But 40 is going to be about moving on and moving forward. Thanks for joining me on this journey friends! I can’t wait to tell you all more of my story as it unfolds. ♥️

Philippians 3:13-14

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.