Life After Divorce | The New Me Mom

After my time away with my kids to Nebraska, my sister took me on a vacation to Destin, Florida. We are on our second day here now and as wonderful it has been for my mental state to get some time away from “real life” I do still miss my kids. I think I will always miss my kids when I don’t have them. Grandma and Grandpa stayed back in Nashville to watch them so I could get away so at least I do have the comfort of them being in good hands while I’m this far away from them.

As I sit on the beach reality quickly sets in though. The last time I came here was Spring Break 2006! A long time yes. Back then it was mostly adults, no families, and an all day party. Now being almost 40 years old in just less than 2 weeks and 17 years later, it’s all about family. Sure I’m with family but it’s not like everyone else. I no longer have a husband. I look around and see how good these dads are with their kids and I can only think “why not me?”. Why didn’t it work out for me? In some other world, where life could be amicable for us both, I could see myself asking my ex if he wants to come with us for a family vacation. There’s no way I could do that right now with the dynamic as is but it’s a nice thought.

So as I look on to these examples of what life should have been for me I see what I did miss out on. Do I miss my ex husband? Not in a million years. We grew apart years before I filed for divorce. I don’t think I’ll ever miss “him”. What do I miss? I’m still working on that because the example I had for myself for a marriage wasn’t what I would wish on anyone. When I got married in 2013 I envisioned something totally different. Had I known he didn’t believe in the sanctity of marriage I would have passed on him and moved onto the next. I can’t say I regret because I wouldn’t have my 2 children that are my world! I just wish life would have played out different. But truth… the truth, the only truth I can hold onto is that God is working for our good. My good. My kids’ good. And he has something so amazing on the horizon. The horizon I’m currently looking at but can’t see because, well, faith.

Maybe someday I can come down here with a husband and my kids but for now, I’m good. I’m where Jesus wants me to be. Reflecting, relaxing, and focusing on what’s to come ♥️.

Proverbs 4:25-26

Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you.

Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways.