Life After Divorce | The New Me Mom

I’m sure you’ve all wondered what’s going on next door or “are the Jones’”really that happy across the street?” I mean we will never know because what is actually happening and what we see are 2 totally different things. I mean can someone really be as happy as we see them for more than just that 5 minutes a day when we see them going for a run or walking their dog?

Let’s take my old life for example. I lived in a neighborhood where it was mostly SAHM (stay at home moms). When we moved there I was pregnant and working 2 jobs. After I had my son I became a “SAHM”. Never in my life did I see it as an option because we constantly lived paycheck to paycheck and I had to work to bring home something. Plus with a new baby we were definitely gonna be in the hole sooner or later. The “unbeliever” told me after my son was born that I should stay home and watch the kids. Our oldest being 5 years old at the time. She had yet to start kindergarten and so me staying home was a big deal for her too. She’s always known me to work as well. We were a one car family and had always been. Before we had our first child the “unbeliever” had a nice Lexus he hardly ever drove and I had a Mercedes I worked really hard to get. We traded them both in because I was told “it would be a smart decision” since the “unbeliever” traveled most of the time and he could just Uber wherever he needed to go. I took the bait and agreed. Fast forward, living in our new neighborhood bubble, after my son was born. I would find myself having to explain to neighbors why we only had one car. By this time the “unbeliever” was working from home and needing to drive local most everyday. So on the outside I’m sure people wondered why we didn’t have 2 cars or at least a golf cart for the neighborhood. My ex had to have all the nice things and shop at only Whole Foods for groceries and Nordstrom’s for his clothing needs. My daughter had all the latest trendy toys and dolls and so did my son. Little did people know on the inside I was selling my kids’ clothes left and right to make a few dollars. I had kept back every outfit my daughter had every worn until the time she was 5 years old and now I’m having to purge them all so I can buy my baby food from the “bargain hunt” for my son who is only a few months old.  I ended up selling most of my wardrobe as well. I had one haircut in 2 years and that was from my friend two houses down. She had no experience cutting hair and I was desperate! Surprisingly she didn’t do a bad job 🤷‍♀️.

Back to the point I’m trying to make. On the outside you think you have it all figured out from those 5 minutes of chatting at the bus stop. Those other parents think they know so well who you are until they don’t. Our home in this neighborhood was 2500 sq feet and had all the amenities. Neighborhood pool, playground, tennis courts, walking trails, fitness center. But our outside life didn’t match the inside of our life. Aside from living paycheck to paycheck and me having no ability to access finances because I was always told it was “none of my business”, our marriage was crumbling. People never noticed that either. How could they not? I wanted so badly for someone to say something. I mean how did we have “porch parties” and no one notice?! I’m still so amazed about how much can be hidden behind closed doors in a box with four walls.

I was living in my own personal hell for 2 years and not being able to share with anyone out of fear for not keeping up appearances sucked for lack of better words. And now living on this side of it all, only 3 months after divorce and moving out of that neighborhood, I don’t talk to anyone over there anymore and no one talks to me. I kept up appearances for what?? For him? For the “unbeliever” so he wouldn’t feel embarrassed?

I now live with my 2 kids in a 2 bedroom/2 bathroom apartment about 10 minutes from there. I currently have 2 jobs and working on getting a third. I have a pool across the street and that’s the only amenity I have. I shop consignment for most of my kids clothes and have no shame. I cut coupons and budget as best as I can. I have a car I’m borrowing from my parents and am so thankful I have a car that works. I’m making more friends through church and not just having superficial relationships.

I’m happy.