Life After Divorce | The New Me Mom

I was in church this morning and the first line our pastor said was:

“Sometimes the story within a story is much bigger than the story itself.”

I have moved from Nebraska to Tennessee more times than I care to admit. When people would ask why Tennessee my response is “it just feels like my adult home.” I moved to Tennessee in 2004, the first time, and I was just 21 years old. Later on I would build my career here, that career no longer exists or I should say isn’t “active”. I had my babies here with the most amazing obstetrician. I have made some very strong Christian relationships here and found some great roots in my church community.

More to my story…

When I had my daughter she was perfect! She was all of sassy and sweet all rolled up into one. And if I had to have just one child, I felt like God surely was showing off when he made her. But for me it wasn’t enough. I wanted so badly to expand my family and have more than just one child. I was leaving it all up to God by that point but I was constantly praying and crying over it all the time. I was stressed out beyond belief trying to constantly track my cycle and when I was ovulating. Just hoping my husband would be in town at the time or I had to wait another month for any ounce of hope for those 2 lines to show up. I had 2 miscarriages after my daughter was born and one before her. I came to terms with what I thought was Gods plan and realized more kids just wasn’t in the cards for me.

With no other kids in sight for our future, we decided to move back to Tennessee after spending 3 years in Nebraska, (where all my family is). This was in July of 2019 after my husband complained so bad about the cold and blizzard like conditions we just had that spring and I guess he couldn’t take it anymore. Maybe moving would be a good change for us then I thought. Maybe compromising would be the glue that would keep my marriage going regardless of what issues we had. My husband could be where he wants and we could just do it his way for a while. After almost a month something just felt horribly off. My husband took our daughter to the pool that day and I called a lawyer. I was ready for a divorce, again. This would be the second time in our marriage I would ask for a divorce. I told my husband I was done and it was over. He promised to be better and give him another chance. This was August 4, 2019. August 5, 2019 I found out I was pregnant with my son. Oh can you imagine how hard I cried?? Cried tears of sadness. How could I be happy. My marriage was over and I’m pregnant??

I cried out to God…

“What’s the lesson to be learned?? Why?? Why now??”

I didn’t understand what was going on. I was now more confused than ever. I shoved my feelings down on my marriage and did what I thought was right and stuck it out. Constantly having marital problems and now with 2 kids. Those same problems would constantly stay on the surface until we went to court for our divorce in the fall of 2022. In the midst of all of this my son, who wasn’t even 2 yet, was diagnosed with Level 3 Autism Spectrum Disorder.

I cried out to God…

“Why now? Why my son? What’s the lesson to be learned??”

This was in December of 2021. Ever since then I’ve been fighting for my son. Being his biggest fan and largest advocate. Educating myself way beyond I ever thought I would have to or need. Getting him all the essential help he needs to grow and be able to live in a world where Autism somehow continues to be a taboo subject. It has not been easy. No one ever said motherhood would be easy of course.

My story continues…

Here I am now, post divorce. In my divorce case I fought to leave Tennessee. I wanted to be closer to family for support and help. Ironically my request was denied from the judge. I now no longer get the choice to leave the state. All those times before, me coming and going so freely and now I’m restricted.

Again I cried out to God…

“Why? Why would you not let me leave now when family is what I absolutely need the most of. What is the lesson to be learned??”

Yes my life has taken a complete 180 degree turn. I still have no vision of what the future will look like. But my story continues. It continues to unfold the way God wants it to be seen. I have no doubts that my story will teach others of the plans God has with you in mind. We don’t get to decide truly how our life unfolds. God is there orchestrating the whole thing.

I’m sure some of you could tell me of your “story” and it probably doesn’t look anything like mine but it probably hasn’t gone the way you thought it should or would.

My story continues…and so will yours.