Life After Divorce | The New Me Mom

Resentment, anger, anxiety, rage, bitterness, sadness, frustration, confusion, humiliation.

I’m sure someone has made you feel these emotions at one time in your life. How did you get over it or past it?

Talking behind their back.

Therapy.

Going to the gym.

Did any of these really help? Maybe short term.

Maybe the resentment was never resolved and stayed for years? Or the anxiety would just keep building up if you ever confronted them? Humiliation to the point you needed to change your group of friends? I’m now learning, at 39 years of age, all of this can go away with something God has provided us with. The ability to forgive.

Forgiveness? Its not as easy as it looks right? What does the Bible say about forgiveness?

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you have grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13

In 2021 I emailed a friend I hadn’t spoke to in 8 years. She had spread a rumor that my boyfriend, now ex husband had cheated on me. I felt it was completely unforgiveable. It ruined our friendship and it was never repaired. It weighed heavy on me for years and that was the reason for me reaching out to her. I was finally ready to forgive. It may have taken 10 years but I was finally at a point I could confront those emotions. But by that point, even though she accepted my apology, it didn’t feel good. I mean I thought I’d feel much better after. Did I wait too long??

The “unbeliever” has made me hold all of these emotions at one time or another.

Resentment: Not being around when I miscarried our first child. (we had 3 in all.)

Anger: Telling me I’m nothing and have nothing to contribute.

Anxiety: There would be days he wouldn’t speak to me and for no reason.

Rage: Made me become this person that I wasn’t just to get a rise out of me.

Bitterness: Constantly wishing my marriage was how other marriages looked.

Sadness: After he knew where we were headed he still didn’t try for us.

Confusion: Letting me marry him under false representation of who he really was.

Humiliation: Making things up about me for years to make himself look better.

The inability to forgive the “unbeliever” has been such a challenge, as you can expect. Its hard to forgive someone that still harasses me weekly and sends verbal attacks via text messaging. I’ve struggled with “why didn’t things go my way” in court and after the divorce process.  I’m the one that goes to church and practices what I preach daily. I’m the one that’s a Christian and doesn’t do the things he does. I don’t make up things about other people or talk behind their back. Shouldn’t I be the one that’s more deserving?? Forgiveness…the one part of my life that I struggle with and the “unbeliever.” My dad says, “maybe the things you are asking for and aren’t receiving are because you haven’t forgiven him yet.” As I sat in church this morning a huge wave came over me…”its time to forgive”, I thought to myself. It might take some time to work through but maybe my dad is right and that the reward is on the other side of this “forgiveness”.

What does your forgiveness journey look like? I’d be curious to know where other people struggle, knowing I’m not the only one.

*My daughter just says to me, “you know what is always the answer?” I said “God? Jesus? Crafting? Lol”. She says no, “LOVE. Love is always the answer!”

That statement is absolutely true. Through forgiveness maybe love will bloom. And maybe we can all learn to forgive more this year. I pray that right now for each one of you.