Life After Divorce | The New Me Mom

When people ask “what are some of your best qualities?” One of my answers is always “honesty”. I don’t think being honest is hard for most. I think for most its second nature to naturally tell the truth.

I remember when I was little I was afraid of lying cause I was told, “those little white dots you get on your fingernails are lie marks”. What?! Are you kidding me?? I’m never gonna tell a lie, not even a white lie, knowing the evidence is out there on my body! Did any of you grow up hearing this too or am I the only one who actually was suckered in to believe this?

I can’t say I always told the truth. In high school you get into mischief trying to be cool and fit in. You want to stay out late and do all the fun things but don’t want to get into trouble when you get home past curfew. I always thought I was so sly coming home and knowing I had to come up with something clever to tell me mom. She could see right through me. My mom was always sitting up waiting for me on the couch in high school. There was nothing that was gonna get past that woman!

For 10 years the “unbeliever” thought the lie sounded better than the truth. Always. But for 10 years how could I not see it? How could I not tell what was truth or a lie?  I could pick up on the little white lies, sure. Things early on like him lying about having 2 glasses of whiskey but really had 8 glasses of whiskey. Things like how he spent $30 on a dinner but was really $130 when he was out of town for a “work trip”. Small things I brushed off cause they happened so few it didn’t matter much. Or so I thought.

But the big things I guess I was in denial in my own way. It was a serious “gaslighting” tactic he did too, which didn’t help.

For a quick reference: Gaslighting- manipulate (someone) using psychological methods into questioning their own sanity or powers of reasoning.

After so long the “unbeliever” started having slip ups.  Evidence of what he didn’t want to be  out or what he didn’t want me to see would suddenly be easy to find. I was always “restricted from his Facebook” which was a huge red flag but he constantly would tell me he never blocked me or has done anything to hide his profile from me. I found out he had been lying to me about our, so called, financials for years but I was left in the dark. In the dark was where he thought I needed to stay. For pretty much anything I’d say. I was kept under his thumb for quite some time with no voice. (That’ll be another post so stay tuned for that one.) He even used to say to me “it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission”. Now let’s see how well that worked out for him.

I just had a conversation with my dad about how he made some mistakes in his past by lying, when I was little, and he had to seriously pay for it. Just to earn back the trust from lying isn’t worth the lie either. You could be stuck in the dog house for a long time.

So why do so many people find it necessary to do? I’m sure you could tell a little lie here or there on your resume or in an interview to make yourself sound better. But is it worth it to lose that job later on down the road if they find out you lied? Or what about making up some number that just sounds better to others. For instance, you’re telling a story about how you won the lottery. You tell everyone you won 22 million dollars playing the lottery but in all honesty you won 2 million. I can see how that sounds better but even a lie like that, there’s no way I could sleep easy.

Regardless, whether its embellishing the truth, a fib, a little white lie, or whatever you want to call it… Lying. It doesn’t make you feel good at the end of the day. What about the John 8:32 in the Bible?

“Then you will know the truth,  and the truth will set you free”.

Why can’t we just live by His word? I mean I’m sure it’s exhausting keeping up with all the lies. But until there are true consequences for your actions, embellishing the truth will always win. Cause who wants to talk about 2 million when 22 million sounds way better.